26. Turning 30…
I woke up in the spare room. Not knowing what I would face that day, whether it would be smiles or scowls. That isn’t a way to live. I was grateful for the birthday card that he handed me that evening. And the stunning flowers.
The look on his face when he saw that I had already received flowers was surpassed only when he saw that I had received two bunches of flowers – from a friend and from his mother.
My first words out loud as I lay there that morning, on my own on that milestone day, were: “Let me go. If you don’t love me, if you don’t want me, please please let me go.” I knew even then that I had it back to front. It doesn’t matter what he wants, what matters is knowing what you want and making it happen.
There are times when it is right to move on and that was one of them.